here's a good one.....

this dates back to the first person i ever met in person from an online site.... we had been texting back and forth for a while. i can't remember the specific details of the texts, so he must have come across as normal and non creepy and he must have used decent spelling, grammar and punctuation. at some point, i can't remember which, we decided to meet in person. Since i was new at the whole internet dating thing, and (still) not convinced that internet dating would turn out anything other than lunatics, i suggested bowling...i figured this was a quick and painless way to meet someone because it gave me something to do other than awkwardly staring at some kid eat a taco and one game of bowling takes about fifteen minutes, with more games to be added if i deemed my bowling partner worthy.

so we met outside the bowling alley. in case you have never had the pleasure of a blind date, i will just tell you that it is always quite easy to spot him. he's the one shuffling his feet, in front of the specified location, with his hands jammed in his pockets, doubtfully scanning the parking lot hoping that a. you will show up and b. you aren't a photo shop wiz.

unfortunately for this young man, i did and i am not.

as soon as i walked up to him, i knew i had made a mistake. he was country as can be. he greeted me with a hug (NO SIR! i do not actually KNOW you and there are very few people in the world that i like to hug me anyway) and he said "howdy ma'am. you sure are real (ugh) purty". (mental note: new qualification: must not be from jasper) I knew right away that this would be a one round of bowling date. i must admit, as soon as he turned around to try his hand at bowling, i texted my friend and said 20 minutes....

luckily for me, i had already planned an escape route. my friend and i had planned, in advance, that i would text her an amount of time to wait before calling me with an emergency situation involving my daughter (original, i know) so, after twenty minutes of bowling, my phone rang and i delivered and oscar winning performance of "oh no. oh my! i will be right there", hung up, and looked at my date with a puppy-eyed pouty face and explained that i was so sorry i had to cut the date short, but i had to go handle an emergency. my date told me that he understood and responded to my second sincere apoplogy saying that it "ain't a big deal" and then he looked at me and said, "i know you think i am weird (perceptive little redneck), but i promise i'd treat ya right and grow on you like a fungus"

i don't think i have ever run away from a date more quickly.